As I've mentioned in previous articles on creative writing, in addition to its myriad benefits, writing can also help us through the most difficult times in our lives. I wrote the following short piece of writing some fifteen years ago, when I was in the spirit of letting go of my old, sick puppy.
More and more I savoured the painful thought that he would not be a part of my life for much longer. This is the process of anticipatory mourning, where the grieving actually begins while the loved one is still alive, but there is no hope of recovery. With anticipatory grieving we try to make things a little easier for ourselves, to prepare ourselves, so to speak, for the loss that is coming.
Already on the way there, he imagined the sight that would greet him.
Getting there. Shaking. Half sentences. You've been through the same thing once before. She fought back tears, felt the familiar lump in her throat, the tightness in her chest.
He stepped on the gas. He wanted to get there as soon as possible, maybe there was still hope. He braced himself.
The car park was exceptionally empty, the street was quiet, only the gravel crunched under his hurried footsteps. It was dark, the cool wind blowing her hair in her face. He hesitated for a moment before pressing the door handle. One last sigh and she entered the surgery. She had been preparing for months, but she felt sick as the air inside suddenly hit her nose. The smell of drugs, fear, animals and urine.
He put the heavy body he was carrying on the table. Then he stood and watched. His fingers routinely dug into the long golden fur. He didn't even notice when the vet entered, only a gentle caress full of compassion brought him to his senses. Are you ready? - Ready. She had no idea what for. - Get out, it's better that way. No. My place is here. He deserves that much. Fourteen years. One pinprick and it's over. -I'm so sorry. I know. I know. Thank you. Hugs. She buries her face in his chest for a moment, then staggers out the door. Her eyes are burning, she doesn't look back.
The drugs, fear, animals, the smell of urine. The smell of release.
EN 
HU
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