I think it's very important to say that, despite the psychologising b@llshits circulating on the internet, it's not at all certain that someone with endometriosis has a bad relationship (or a bad relationship with their mother or father). In fact, in my practice, I find that fortunately many people are in a balanced, supportive relationship.
This series of articles is designed to help those who are in an emotionally abusive relationship to recognise that something is wrong, to reflect and possibly to get motivated to seek help.
So once again: there is NO abusive relationship behind most endometriosis stories. But if you are in the very small percentage who are emotionally abused in your relationship, you need to know about them, which is why I'm covering the topic for a few weeks on the blog.
In this article, I discuss a specific form of relationship abuse, financial abuse. We will discuss what forms of financial abuse takes, what the symptoms are, what you might experience if it happens to you, how to recognise it, what to look out for and finally what you can do to get out of this cycle.
Unfortunately, money can be a means of control, power, and the exercise of power in a bad relationship. It usually starts with small things, and slowly, imperceptibly, it creeps in and suddenly you realise that you are in a completely vulnerable position.
What are the warning signs?
- At first he's very generous with the gifts, carrying you in the palm of his hand... then he starts to tell you what he's done for you - even though you never asked for it - and he makes his demands. He expects you to meet them in full.
- He uses money as a weapon against you or your family - or you notice that he behaves in this way towards others, such as his employees.
- At first deviously, and then even openly, it limits your access to your material goods, keeping you totally dependent.
- Without asking, he throws away, sorts, replaces or destroys your personal belongings, especially those that had meaning for you before the relationship.
- He forbids or makes it impossible for you to pay the financial burdens that are rightfully on you, such as child support, because it's not his problem, it's not his child, and he's annoyed that you had a life before him anyway.
- It cancels home, car, life or liability insurance without asking you, as an unnecessary expense.
- He forces you to be his guarantor, his confidant, otherwise he makes you feel what a sh@t you are, and he does it so well that you almost believe it.
Such a person is very good at keeping you dependent. Slowly, your circle of friends, your family relationships and eventually your job will fall victim. This is how he feels really in the saddle, controlling everything, keeping you dependent. With his words, looks, gestures and manipulations, he can make you feel insecure about yourself and your abilities. Maybe you really are no good at anything, maybe you're better at home than you thought you were.
If you haven't worked for a while because you've been trying to look after your partner's needs at twenty-four zero, the idea of being financially independent can seem daunting at first glance. Especially if you have been told for years that you are good for nothing.
It's important to take it slow but steady and polish up your CV, start going for interviews or assessing what you're good at, what you want to do if you don't go back to your original job/job.
First, take a look at your own expenses and income, and how much money you realistically need.
Think about what you would like to do, what would you enjoy doing? You can do it! Imagine how good it will feel to be dependent on no one. How great it will be when no one criticises you, no one b@sts you, how great it will feel when you get your first income, which you can thank yourself for, and you don't have to account to anyone for what you spend it on. Stand on your own two feet, be your own boss, don't have to beg your partner for money when you need it. You are a smart, intelligent, valuable woman, you stand on your own two feet.
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