Slow down for your health! - The psychology of conscious presence

I had a moment this morning when I looked at myself "from the outside". I was standing on the treadmill, toothbrush in one hand, phone in the other, reading emails on my laptop, which was propped up to eye level. Sometimes I would cover the phone's microphone with my toothbrush hand while I was talking to the dog, or trying to raise a child and get the remote to stop him from watching a shooting story. 

When my friend on the other end of the line gave up the desperate struggle to have normal human communication with me, I realised that this was not going to work.

I'm doing 5-6 things at once, yet instead of feeling like an efficient, time-management guru, I seem to be a constantly scurrying, distracted, gadget-addicted, getting on my friends' nerves.

In the last few days, two incidents have happened to me that have made me think hard. My friends and I were chatting and talking about how many surgeries I've had for endometriosis, and how nice it is that I finally don't need any more procedures.

A friend of mine, who hadn't really contributed much to the conversation up to that point, then said that he thought I was only going to have one more operation: when my ipad and iphone were separated from my palm.

On the evening of that same day, a long-time dear guest, fed up with having to share my attention with blogs, Facebook, Pinterest, Instas and LinkedIn and Messenger, took the phone from my hand, walked out to the kitchen and - it pains me to describe it, but it happened - threw it in the bin. Probably only someone who's been through the same ordeal as me can understand what I went through, having stomped through bins of orange and banana peels, piles of napkins and empty rice milk cartons impatiently beeping for my phone.

And obviously it would have crossed any of our minds, elbow deep in the trash, that since the phone was already scratched and now obviously dirty, maybe it was time to buy the newer model... (Just crossed my mind, na. )

So we live as self-actualising, career-conscious, metropolitan women, which is fine.

The problem is when career-conscious, self-fulfilling, metropolitanism gets to the point where you feel there is too much information, too much stimulus, too much to do, no way to finish, no resting point, no joy in the work done, no point, no check mark.

I asked my companion in shock: seriously, who turns off their mobile phone at night? Who doesn't check their email every 15 minutes? Who doesn't know that frustrating feeling when the phone rings and you just HAVE to check who wrote what. For a long time, my loved ones were understanding, saying that as a conscientious psychologist and entrepreneur, my work is obviously important, it's understandable that I wake up with it, go to bed with it... but now I feel the most anxious family members are feeling the waves.

Well, shocker, but there are still wise people like you who resist the pressure of FOMO (fear of missing out). And it looks very much like they are right. The thing is, I'm still learning this stuff myself, but I find it so useful that I'm sharing my experiences so far and some useful exercises from Conscious Presence Psychology. Let's start with the basics.

 Step 1 Switch off the phone. 2. Practice the simple exercises below. Continue.

Conscious presence practices

1. Body scanning

Consciously focus all your attention on your body! You don't have to do anything, neither relax nor calm down, just observe and become aware of your body sensations!Don't expect anything to change, just relax your attention from head to toe, on every part of your body, and observe your body in an accepting way. When you notice that you have wandered - which is perfectly natural - then without judging yourself, simply gently return your attention to your body.

1. Respiration monitoring

It's always with you, so it's always available to you. You don't have to change it, just watch your breathing, it's the easiest way to the present.

1. Monitoring sounds

Consciously direct your attention to the sounds of the environment and allow each one to become conscious. Don't judge them - if you get distracted, gently redirect your attention.

1. Sitting meditation

After observing the sounds of your body, breath and environment, focus your attention on your feelings and thoughts. Notice that they are constantly coming and going, changing. Don't cling to them, don't fight them, just listen. If you find yourself dwelling on a thought for a long time, simply observe how it is already having a stronger effect on you.

1. Vigilantly monitored physical exercises

Any simple movement or exercise can be used to keep you alert to your bodily sensations.

Nóra Árvai

psychologist, perinatal counsellor, specialist writer

Make your endometriosis diet a pleasure, not a hassle! The True Endometriosis Diet books to help you do this.

www.noraarvai.com